do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
