it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
