Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize