it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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