and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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