peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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