I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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