so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
