I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize