I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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