toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize