Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
