just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
