he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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