I'm going to jail i love you
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
where are my eyebrows?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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