Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
