Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
