I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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