honey bunches of taint.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
