Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
