I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
