i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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