I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize