yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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