I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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