3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
