The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
