this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
