Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesnโt give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize