I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
