Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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