he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
