When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
