your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
