I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
