On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
