Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
