My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
