my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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