she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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