We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize