She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They have beer where we have blood.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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