and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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