i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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