the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
