I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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