woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
