You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
