i just identified you from a description of your pipe
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
