Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
