I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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