I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
