Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
