I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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