We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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