He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
