Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
