I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
