how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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