I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
