Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
