I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
