you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
