He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
