weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
