You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
