He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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