She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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