Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
