i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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