God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
