would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize