guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
