All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
