Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
