theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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