you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
