I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
