you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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