I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Everyone says I win the strip club
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
