the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
