I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
