that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
