Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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