Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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