Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You pole danced in your parka.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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