bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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