...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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