I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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