Swine flu. Run for my life!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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