Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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