I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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