I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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