I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
