You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
