the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I could make wine with my vomit
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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