Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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