I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish you could order shots online.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
