Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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