Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
