enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
