what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
